Embrace the Suck

Day two, it’s not much… but it’s not nothing either.

Here we are, day two. I have to be honest that I’m beyond happy and amazed with myself for getting back here and doing this again. I have struggled with feeling and telling myself that I was lazy for my whole adult life. I have spent the time over the last year trying to redefine what that feeling meant, where it comes from and most importantly: how to fix it. I’m not celebrating just yet as things change. There are new challenges every day that throw a wrench into the plans that I put into place.

At the beginning of 2022 I recognized that what I lacked in many areas of my personal life, outside of work, was consistency. And to a certain extent it was also affecting my work. It took me an entire year to realize that the word I was focusing on wasn’t the root cause of my problems. It was a problem and maybe “the” problem. However, it was too broad and generic a term to really get down to the basics of why I was struggling in so many areas of my life.

I did some deep diving, some soul searching and some reading. What I found is that the root cause of nearly every issue that I have is a lack of discipline. The lack of discipline can be, in part, can be derived from a weak mental mindset. Now I know that this is still quite general and is going to require a lot more thinking and a ton more work. Work that isn’t a today thing, or a off and on thing. This is work that will never end as life isn’t easy. It’s not supposed to be easy.

I am working to build a mentality that includes a lot of clichés. I want to learn and embrace enjoying the journey, embrace the suck! I want to build a frame work in my mind of positivity and not allowing things that don’t go according to plan to ruin the path or the forward momentum. Life is going to throw shit at you and I know you have experience that immediate roller coaster feeling of accomplishing something big or getting to a place where you feel like you’ve finally figured it all out and then BOOM!… the next minute shit has hit the fan and everything changes. I want that explosion to create new and exciting experiences rather than ruining the mind frame, killing momentum and creating a rut that takes time to get out of. It’s time to get to work and stop living a mediocre life. You can’t define that for me… but right now neither can I. Day two in the books, here we go.

/0 Comments/by

Just the Beginning

The beginnings of a lifelong mental reset

I have dreamed of having a blog for a long time and have always wanted a writing project. I have started a book multiple times and have yet to finish it. Many ideas of how to do this and where to start have come and go. The subject matter has done just the same. Nothing has stuck and thankfully for good reason.

I have spent the last couple of years trying to dig deep into the recesses of my mind to try to find some answers to some of the biggest questions. Who am I? What do I want out of this life? Why do I want what I want? What and who is the driving force behind these reasons? All of these things have continued to circle over and over and I can’t really say that I have any absolutes to any of this. However, after reading a few books recently and after failing to truly start the book I want to write I have come to a few unmistakable conclusions.

The first and most important is that life is ever changing. I know this seems cliché and obvious but until you truly accept that fact that nearly everything is changing all the time, you will always be lost. It’s absolutely vital to embrace the change, accept the suck and just keep moving forward. This is something I have always struggled with. I have zero patience. I don’t say this lightly, I mean zero. There are short stints of patience like with clients and strangers which I’m sure can seem odd to some but this is a deep part of who I am that I can and will discuss on a later day.

The other is that “motion creates emotion”. I have spent too many years being mediocre and it is a self-deprecating and self-fulfilling mentality. It’s been since my early twenties that I truly felt obsessed to live life to it’s fullest and the one thing that changed was the ability and willingness to just move. Get up and get going. I can attribute this not so new idea to the willingness to read a few books and have a very real conversation with myself about what is going on to allow for such a mediocre existence. Now, when I say mediocre I don’t mean that I’m not good at my job. I don’t mean that I’m not a good husband or father. I mean that I have a little voice in my head that says you can be better, you can do more and most importantly you have dreams that are not as far out of reach as you once lied to yourself about. The reason is there’s another little voice in your head that makes excuses and says that you’ve done enough, you don’t need those dreams, it’s okay to watch TV right now. It’s not that those things aren’t and can’t be true… but I don’t want them to be true for me. The reason I’m writing what I’m writing right now is I need the outlet. I want to write my book but I have realized that I can’t write the book until I answer the big questions above and I especially can’t write it while living life well below the abilities that I have. I can’t write a book that is based on ideas and not experiences. I hope you join me for this journey and maybe we can all learn something from each other.

/0 Comments/by