The beginnings of a lifelong mental reset
I have dreamed of having a blog for a long time and have always wanted a writing project. I have started a book multiple times and have yet to finish it. Many ideas of how to do this and where to start have come and go. The subject matter has done just the same. Nothing has stuck and thankfully for good reason.
I have spent the last couple of years trying to dig deep into the recesses of my mind to try to find some answers to some of the biggest questions. Who am I? What do I want out of this life? Why do I want what I want? What and who is the driving force behind these reasons? All of these things have continued to circle over and over and I can’t really say that I have any absolutes to any of this. However, after reading a few books recently and after failing to truly start the book I want to write I have come to a few unmistakable conclusions.
The first and most important is that life is ever changing. I know this seems cliché and obvious but until you truly accept that fact that nearly everything is changing all the time, you will always be lost. It’s absolutely vital to embrace the change, accept the suck and just keep moving forward. This is something I have always struggled with. I have zero patience. I don’t say this lightly, I mean zero. There are short stints of patience like with clients and strangers which I’m sure can seem odd to some but this is a deep part of who I am that I can and will discuss on a later day.
The other is that “motion creates emotion”. I have spent too many years being mediocre and it is a self-deprecating and self-fulfilling mentality. It’s been since my early twenties that I truly felt obsessed to live life to it’s fullest and the one thing that changed was the ability and willingness to just move. Get up and get going. I can attribute this not so new idea to the willingness to read a few books and have a very real conversation with myself about what is going on to allow for such a mediocre existence. Now, when I say mediocre I don’t mean that I’m not good at my job. I don’t mean that I’m not a good husband or father. I mean that I have a little voice in my head that says you can be better, you can do more and most importantly you have dreams that are not as far out of reach as you once lied to yourself about. The reason is there’s another little voice in your head that makes excuses and says that you’ve done enough, you don’t need those dreams, it’s okay to watch TV right now. It’s not that those things aren’t and can’t be true… but I don’t want them to be true for me. The reason I’m writing what I’m writing right now is I need the outlet. I want to write my book but I have realized that I can’t write the book until I answer the big questions above and I especially can’t write it while living life well below the abilities that I have. I can’t write a book that is based on ideas and not experiences. I hope you join me for this journey and maybe we can all learn something from each other.